Some people take everything personal and offensive. Usually, these people can come off as irritating or heavy-hearted; it’s like walking on eggshells around these types of people. To make it worse, these people seem always to assume others have malicious intent for them. You might even notice that some carry a sense of pride about the chip on their shoulders; they are proud to claim that everyone is “against them” and that their lives are so much harder than everyone else's. But they are the only ones who are actually making their life more difficult.
My CEO often tells us to not assume malice when people come off as cruel, rude, malicious, racist, insensitive, etc.; it’s a very stoic-like response.
There will always be people in the world that don’t have the best of intentions for us, but we don’t need to waste our time, energy, and peace of mind on these people; furthermore, we don’t need to permit these people to take up additional and permanent space in our days, lives, minds, hearts, and souls; we can simply brush these people to the side. Because as soon as we get caught up in others' “evil” deeds, we only hurt ourselves.
The world is only out to get us if we believe the world is out to get us. Everyone is not against us unless we believe everyone is against us. We create our experience.
Perception
What is your perception of others? Do you tend to find humor in what people say, or do you tend to look for malice in the actions and words others say and do? Even if someone’s actions are indeed malicious, it doesn’t mean we need to respond and react unproductively. Many things that people do can be written off and brushed to the side. Now, this doesn’t mean you should let people run over you or invite cruel people to actively maintain a place in your life. No, it only means that you don’t give others the power to negatively infiltrate your daily life, your peace, and your mental clarity. Some people will always be malicious, and we don’t need to empower them by giving them our energy and peace of mind. You can only be harmed if you allow yourself to be harmed.
No Harm, No Foul — The Daily Stoic
“Do Away with the opinion I am harmed, and the harm is cast away too. Do away with being harmed, and harm disappears.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 4.7
“A word can have multiple meanings. One usage can be harsh and another might be completely innocent. The same word can mean a cruel slur or a pile of sticks. In the same way, something said sarcastically differs drastically from something that was pointed and mean.
The interpretation of a remark or a word has an immense amount of power. It’s the difference between a laugh and hurt feelings. The difference between a fight breaking out and two people connecting.
This is why it is so important to control the biases and lenses we bring to our interactions. When you hear or see something, which interpretation do you jump to? What is your default interpretation of someone else’s intentions?
If being upset or hurt is something you’d like to experience less often, then make sure your interpretations of other’s words make that possible. Choose the right inference from someone’s actions or from external events, and it’s a lot more likely that you’ll have the right response.” — The Daily Stoic, p119
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