Fear Shows You What Matters Most

So, The Question Is: What matters most to you?

Destiny S. Harris

May 23, 2021

I read something today that resonates with me deeply. The reading states:

“Do not be afraid of your fears; they are simply there to show you what matters most to you.”

After reading this, my mind went to three places, which is what this piece will cover in detail:

Tackling Fear — Breaking It Down
Question Your Fear, Which = What Matters Most
Don’t Let Fear Destroy Your Peace of Mind

Tackle Fear By Breaking It Down

One of the best ways to tackle fear is to question the fear and break it down to its core to understand its origin better. But we usually don’t question our fear. Instead, we let our fears fester.

For example, you might have a fear of losing your job. Instead of living with the fear daily and letting your anxiety evolve uncontrollably, you should ask yourself the following questions:

Do I have an emergency fund with 3–12 months of expenses saved in the case of job loss?
Do I have the marketable skills to acquire another job within a reasonable timeframe?
What is my plan B if this job goes to sh*t?

If you don’t have money saved in an emergency, start today. If you don’t have marketable skills, start obtaining new skills and knowledge for your next gig (you should always acquire new knowledge to stay sharp and ready for the next opportunity anyways). Sometimes having a backup plan (or three) helps eradicate a fear altogether. Moreover, you need to question all of your fears and break them apart, so you don’t allow the fear to sabotage your peace of mind. After you question your fear and create a plan to tackle it, let the fear go; if you hold onto the fear, you’re only harming your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

“Many are harmed by fear itself, and many may have come to their fate while dreading fate.” — Seneca, Oedipus 992

There is such a thing as healthy skepticism, but at what point does skepticism, which is essentially fear, lead to paralysis and an incomplete life?

“Only the paranoid survive, Andy Grove, a former CEO of Intel, famously said. It might be true. But we also know that the paranoid often destroy themselves quicker and more spectacularly than any enemy.” — The Daily Stoic, p47

Final Thoughts

Learn to question your fears immediately. Never leave your fear alone. Some of your fears may be valid, but most fears will be invalid or become less daunting after you take a moment to think about the fear itself. The more you decompose fear, the less power fear will have over your life.

“The next time you are afraid of some supposedly disastrous outcome, remember that if you don’t control your impulses if you lose your self-control, you may be the very source of the disaster you so fear.” — The Daily Stoic, p47

Question What You Fear Losing Most

Whenever I read something that resonates with me, my goal is to break it down further with questioning. After reading this [“Do not be afraid of your fears; they are simply there to show you what matters most to you.”], several questions popped into my head:

What do my fears say about me?
Why do I have these fears?
Where do my fears derive?
Are my fears worth prioritizing?
Are my fears focused on intangible things or tangibles (materials)?
If my fears = what matters most to me, do my fears align with my values?
Am I content with the response to the previous question?

It is consequential to question everything. The more we question, the more we tap into a deeper understanding of ourselves and the surrounding world.

Don’t Let Fear Steal Your Peace of Mind

Another synonym phrase for fear is: desiring something outside of your control. Often we utilize fear unproductively instead of using fear to our advantage. Fear will snatch your tranquility if you do not learn how to control it. Who is in control: your fear or you? Only you can decide.

“When I see an anxious person, I ask myself, what do they want? For if a person wasn’t wanting something outside of their own control, why would they be stricken by anxiety?” — Epictetus, Discourses, 2.13.1

Steady your impulses. As we age, fear can become a natural response because the world is driven by fear. We are taught to live in fear and are fed fearful messages through media daily. But we must take control of our lives by questioning our impulses and emotions — especially the most unproductive ones, such as fear.

Daily Affirmations to Help Tackle Fear

I am fearless.
I am brave.
I am courageous.
I am bold.
I am in control.
I am at peace.
I am still.

Closing Thoughts

Fear is powerful. So powerful it reveals itself in palpable manners at times.

You can see fear. You can feel fear. You can hear fear.

Fear is everywhere, and it’s what drives many decisions people make daily. But fear doesn’t have to drive your life. I remember the first time I took a moment to sit down with my fear; I asked myself two questions:

Why am I scared of [insert specific fear]?
What would I do if this fear were to take place?

I then developed a plan of action, and from there, the fear no longer had an anchor in my life. All it took was a moment of introspective reflection. All it took was a moment of self-questioning. The higher the quality of questions you ask yourself, the better quality of life you will enjoy.

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