The Difference Between Gratitude And Low Self-Image
And really just an article on self-esteem, confidence, and stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself
A guy knew he deserved a salary of 200k, and his expertise demanded it at a bare minimum, but when Company X offered him 100k, he accepted and didn’t even attempt negotiations. He was just “grateful” for the opportunity and was used to being underpaid throughout his career.
A guy finally found a woman that wanted to date him. She was a great woman but was missing many characteristics he desired in a partner. But he was grateful someone finally paid him some attention.
Why Do We Shortchange Ourselves?
Some of us are afraid to push the envelope.
We don’t want to “press people’s buttons,” “demand too much,” “seem too greedy,” or “appear ungrateful.” Other times we’re just too impatient or unwilling to leave our comfort zones to go for what we truly desire.
So what do we do instead?
We accept what we're given and hush up. We act grateful because it’s the right thing to do. While more confident people with high self-images continue seizing all the opportunities and high-quality relationships; some are grateful, and some are not.
I can’t count how often people have told me you’re asking for too much, and I disagreed. I knew I wasn’t. I simply asked for what I believed I deserved. And I don’t apologize.
One time my nail guy had to change my color five times. We laugh about it today, but hey, I’m the one who's paying and will have to walk away and live with this color for the next few weeks. Let’s get that shit right.
Another example is people will receive a company stipend to set up their home office and be scared to use it or buy the cheapest stuff because they don’t want to seem greedy….but the company is offering free money.
One of my jobs didn’t have a flight budget, so I got myself a seat in the front every time. I didn’t do it for prestige; it was for convenience so I could get off the plane faster since I traveled late in the evening and wanted to get to bed for my early meetings. The company never told me once not to pick out those seats anymore.
Let me tell you something right now, low self-image, low confidence, and low self-esteem won’t do shit for you — except circulate you in dead-end jobs, basic opportunities, inconvenience, and toxic/unhealthy/or unproductive relationships. Low self-image puts you in a permanent position of settling.
The Perfect Example Of Low Self Image
I was talking with two guys some weeks back who provided perfect examples of low and high self-image.
Guy A
One told me he declined to go to a division 1 school for basketball. I blatantly asked him, why the fuck did you do that? He told me he didn’t believe in himself and wanted to choose the school his brother attended a division 3 school.
He is living a good life today, but his low self-image shows up in the way he currently lives; it could be better.
Guy B
Another guy chose to apply to one of the most challenging schools in the country, and he got in. He saw himself worthy of the challenge and is living successfully executing one of the most prestigious professions (according to societal standards).
The Challenge For You
Order
If someone messes up your order, ask them to fix it—even if it’s simple. You are paying for it, right? Do you genuinely want to pay for something if it’s not what you ordered?
If you want ten customizations to a Starbucks drink or sandwich, put them all in without remorse. Get comfortable asking for what you want, and stop feeling so damn sorry about it.
Work
If someone tries to diminish you at work or overstep your boundaries, politically, respectfully, and politely dismiss them.
Never allow a coworker or manager to affect how you feel about yourself.
Some people are naturally disrespectful or addicted to tearing others down; ignore them.
I remember telling someone higher than me that what they were nitpicking at was pointless because progress was still being made. They couldn’t make an argument with me after that, and when they tried, it sounded like a bag of bullshit.
Use Your Voice
Some of us disagree with everything and everyone. Then another batch of us never dissent at all because we’re scared to have opposing thoughts.
Fuck that.
If you disagree with an idea, state your approach and why.
Have a voice and maintain your voice.
Stay open-minded, but don’t diminish your thoughts because you fear resistance or sticking out like a sore thumb.
More On Salary Negotiation
I have a rule for salary negotiation, ask for more—even when what they’re offering seems to be a lot or all they can give (i.e., “the budget is x”), and here’s why:
It stretches me.
It causes me to think bigger.
It causes me to see myself more highly.
It causes me to get comfortable with rejection (one of the most powerful things you can do is become numb to rejection).
If you’re curious about salary negotiation, check out my free course.
I chat with students about salary daily to help them get paid in steaks instead of beans.
Confidence is the number one factor in getting paid what you’re worth. In fact, it has more to do with confidence than your actual skills.